Fall Reflections
This will be very difficult for me to write… because I will have to sit and reflect on why I am here now. And here now, I am feeling pressured, stressed, and just beginning to see the light. AGAIN. Why again? Plans were made, and the schedule was not adhered to. Why? 1. I had difficulty in defining the problem I was solving. 2. Once I had defined the problem, I knew I needed a partner with expertise in mental health to collaborate with. I had known this since the spring, and I was not able to find that collaborator by the end of the summer. The topic of Adjustment Disorder needed a pivot.
During the summer, I became mesmerized and was absolutely blown away by AI image generators. Stable Diffusion, MidJourney, and DallE -2 were the first ones I looked into. I was captivated by them. I could describe an image I was thinking of that moment, or in a dream, or for some fanciful future. And it was not just the act of describing something and seeing it generated; it was the entire process of guiding the AI to create the image you wanted. Of course, at date there are Apps both mobile and web-based. Different image generator models used depending on the outcome the app aims to create.
Why? Here and Now…
It’s hard to admit that I made a lot of mistakes and missteps in approaching my thesis. By the end of the summer, I thought I had identified the stakeholders for my primary research and had crafted my first letters to ask for guidance in finding someone who would be receptive to the idea of cross-disciplinary collaboration between 2 departments at NYU with curricula focused on different aspects of psychology. Needless to say, I was easily discouraged by what I felt seemed like rejections. And after writing a little over a handful of letters, I felt insecure about my topic and my ability to write cold emails asking for assistance and guidance in further researching Adjustment Disorder.
I started to look into one aspect of determining a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder- Preoccupation, Rumination, and Worry. [[And here’s the irony of this all. Since finishing Pre-Thesis, my mind cannot stop thinking about my thesis presentation.]] I started looking deeper into imagery-based therapies and emotion regulation after reading an article by Katie Gamby and Michael Desposito, “Mental imagery as an intervention for emotion regulation disorders” in Counseling Today. I contacted Katie Gamby and asked for the references she and Michael used for their article. After receiving her bibliography list, I started reading the studies that were relevant to further my research into imagery-based therapies. In my mind and even on a flow chart, it all seemed to fit. Adjustment Disorder –> Rumination and Worry –> Cognitive Behavioral Therapy –> Emotion Regulation –> Image-Based Therapies –> AI Image Generator Models –> User Personalized Real-Time Generation of Imagery. That path made perfect sense for me to follow… now the process to back this up. I wanted to speak with therapists and counselors about their experiences with current image-based approaches to emotion regulation.
I contacted the NYU Wellness Center to ask whether it was possible to contact the counselors directly and request an informational interview. Rightly so, they replied with a solid “NO”. They could not help me with this because their purpose is to faciliate for mental health counseling. [[At this point, I cannot stop worrying about my thesis to the point I cannot get to sleep at night, or go back to sleep upon waking. I am stressed, not thinking, having difficulty focusing, and feeling insecure about my ability to put a concrete sentence together.]] Upon reflection, I should have done more, even when they said they could not even distribute a survey I had made. I wasn’t understanding their point, that I could not use them for contacting the counselors. I was taking it as a reject to me and my request.
I had created an exceptional situation for myself by delaying my thesis presentation by a semester. Fall classes started, and I was really looking forward to speaking to my thesis advisor. I would receive an advisor alongside everyone else presenting their thesis in the Spring. In the meantime, I was floundering… hitting a wall at stating the problem I was solving for in a cohesive and compelling sentence! I kept jumping to the HOW, rather than the WHY. When I was able to speak to my thesis advisor, I had developed, with the help of a friend who worked in product branding, a cohesive and compelling topic. Unfortunately, at this point, the presentation date was too close to complete the necessary steps to build the prototype, so I could iterate in time. [[ That is on me… my uncertainty, fear of failure and rejection.]] I would continue to direct my focus on the counselor, and my thesis would be a theoretical prototype. His advice was invaluable and had me redirect my focus to starting an iterative prototype I could accomplish with the time I had NOW. Rather than starting it as a counselor’s aid, focus on the person seeking therapy to help calm and relax them, making it hopefully easier to open up in therapy. I would do this by using image generator models.